She Used To
by KKSG
Summary: She loved the cold crisp air, the hot chocolate, the apple ciders, the snowmen, the snowballs, the ice, she used to loved everything about winter.


**Title:** She Used To.  
><strong>Summary:<strong>She loved the cold crisp air, the hot chocolate, the apple ciders, the snowmen, the snowballs, the ice, she used to loved everything about winter.  
><strong>Words:<strong> 1609  
><strong>AN:<strong> Not beta-ed. For Brittana week day 5, Firsts.

* * *

><p>Winter was always her favourite season. Since she was old enough to go outside and play in it, she loved snow. She loved the cold crisp air, the hot chocolate, the apple ciders, the snowmen, the snowballs, the ice, she used to loved everything about winter. The season seemed to fill up her entire being and despite it's chilliness, it filled her with warmth and love.<p>

She was five years old and her parents had brought her to the local skate rink hoping to get her on skates at a young age. After falling down five times she was soon wobbling around on her own with no help other than her natural talent for balance and grace. It wasn't long before she was skating slowly by her mom's side when she spotted another girl with dark hair tan skin crying while sitting on the ice. So she wobbled over and offered one yellow mittened hand.

The girl's name was Santana, and Santana was the prettiest girl she ever met.

Winter was the first time she met her first friend. Her best friend and later on her girlfriend.

It was the time when the Pierce family became a family of four and not three. It was a season that spoke of miracle babies, life and joy in a time when plants don't grow.

Her baby sister was born when she was nine. They went to the hospital at 4 in the morning and she stayed by her mom's side until the sun came up and the doctor came in checked her mom and told them that her sister couldn't come out the normal way. So they took her mom to another place where she and her dad couldn't go so they waited. She held her dad's hand the entire time and kissed his tears away even when she was slow and they reached his scratchy moustache. Three hours later she looking at her baby sister who was so, so tiny even with tubes helping her breathe.

When she told Santana about it a couple months later when her mom offered to let Santana hold her sister, Santana looked so scared holding Hailey. Santana was the gentlest girl she ever knew.

Winter was the first time she realized that her family had always been a family of four, and now with Hailey it was five.

With the chilly season also came the best holiday of all. Christmas. Which means Christmas trees, yummy food, Santa Claus, singing, dancing, hot chocolate, apple cider and presents.

When she was ten, Santana came over on Christmas morning. They had discovered five years ago they literally lived two blocks away so they had become inseparable. They exchanged presents every year at Brittany's house on Christmas morning. They would eat Christmas shaped pancakes (like Christmas trees, and snowmen, and reindeer) and drink hot chocolate then open the rest of Brittany's presents together. But that year when Santana came over she was holding a big box with holes on the lid and a big red bow- the holes confused her. Brittany and her mom had picked out friendship bracelets, but now she was curious as to what her best friend had gotten her. Santana wanted her to open her present first so she did confused why it wasn't wrapped really wrapped.

Santana got her a kitten. She named him Lord Tubbington cause he was so round and cute. Santana was the best friend she ever had.

Winter was the first time she really realized how much she loved Santana.

Winter though also included other days like Valentines day. She always loved it because nothing was better than love and chocolate. She get lots of chocolate at school on Valentines day.

They're thirteen when they head to Santana's house after school. They dumped their collective treasures on Santana's big bed, and while San ripped the candies from the cards she read them and laughed at the funny ones, she also showed the cute ones to Santana who just smiled at her and nodded in agreement. Then they put on Blues Clues and pigged out on chocolates and candy bars. Santana being cute, pouted that she never got any Kisses only Hugs when she popped one in her mouth. She of course is out of chocolate Kisses so she decided to give Santana a different kind of kiss.

Santana stared at her after their lips press together, but then she got the cutest shy smile on her face and said thank you in that quiet voice she does when she's embarrassed. Santana was the most adorable girl she ever liked.

Winter was when they had their first kiss.

The cold season was beautiful in the day, but the night held mystery excitement and secrets. It meant huddling under blankets, shared hot baths and even hotter nights up.

She was seventeen going on eighteen, it was her senior year in high school and it was the night before she left to Santa Fe to see her grandparents for the first time in five years. But it would also mean she would miss sharing the first Christmas she would have with Santana since they became girlfriends. So that night Santana stayed over. They changed into their Pj's, huddled up in her room and watched Home Alone. They don't pay attention to the movie and share heated kisses in the dimly lit room. Just as she sneaks a hand up Santana's shirt, her girlfriend and best friend pulls away. Pouting, Brittany watches curiously as Santana just smiles at her and reached over to her overnight bag to pull out a present. It was tiny enough to fit in Santana's palm, wrapped in red with a big green bow on it. She insisted she opened it right then, and when she did she was stunned.

That night Santana gave her a promise ring, said she would always love Brittany and that when they're older she'll propose and they'll get married and have kick ass babies together. Santana's words not hers. Santana was the most loving girlfriend Brittany ever wanted.

Winter was the first time they promised each other forever.

She used to love winter. She loved it for the memories, for the snow, for the skating, for the presents and the food. She loved it for the times with her families but most of all she loved it for all the times with Santana. She loved winter for the little girl who never really got the hang of skating, the teenager who was her first kiss, her first love, and the woman who became her fiance and then her wife. She loved winter for their first born daughter. And she loved winter because in winter she found her home. And it was winter that she shared all her happiest times with.

But winter also took everything it gave her. Like a loan shark that gave you all this money and didn't tell you the consequences of taking the money. The winter gave her incredibly happiness, but it didn't give her forever.

It was two weeks before Christmas, in fact it was their anniversary. Eight years of marriage, five of them being mothers together. Their daughter was staying with Brittany's parents that night so that she and Santana could celebrate in private. Her wife was coming home from work, and Brittany had set up an elaborate intimate dinner along with candle lit bath and snuggles in their bed with a movie before they would get their sexy times on.

Santana was the most passionate woman she ever loved.

There was a blizzard that evening.

Santana was late but with the weather Brittany didn't mind waiting. Santana got off work at 7, Brittany didn't receive the call until 11 at night.

The winter gave her her happiest memories. It also gave her the saddest and most painful one.

That night was a blur, all she remembered was a hurried dash to her car, bursting through the doors demanding to see Santana. She remembered white walls, and pain- so much pain. It felt like her heart was twisting up and trying to rip itself apart in her chest. Her stomach was clenched so tight she felt nauseous and her head was throbbing and spinning. Her lungs were aching and protesting with each breath. The wait felt like years.

Santana was the most protective keeper of her heart.

Then there was that white sheet, the one that covered- things. The one that always signalled the end of- things.

For Brittany, that white sheet signalled the end of a marriage she thought would last years. Happiness that would last forever, kisses that always felt like the first. It was the end of waking up filled with joy at the sight of the woman she loved, the end of listening to her daughter being lulled to sleep by Spanish lullabies. It meant the end of her love for winter.

Santana, was gone.

Winter was the first time Brittany experienced pure unadulterated hate for winter.

It was also the first time her heart shattered into so many tiny pieces she could only find the pieces that enabled her to hold her five year old daughter as she sobbed.

Brittany used to love winter, and she even thought winter loved her back. Now it was just a time of surviving through each cold gust of wind, straining through holiday mornings, avoiding skating rinks and trying not to crumble on the day of their wedding.

Winter took all her firsts, and all her lasts.

It filled her up and and emptied her out, leaving her nothing but a fragile hollow shell.

She used to love winter.


End file.
